If your child doesn’t like your nanny, it can be a significant problem within your household. Sometimes it is a passing phase, and your child just misses you or perhaps the nanny has disciplined the child for something they have done wrong.
A lot of the problems and the solutions may be very dependent on your child’s age, perhaps the influence of other children as well as if your child has been brought up in another country. The first thing that you probably need to do is ask yourself some questions.
Do you or your partner have any reservations?
If you or your partner has any reservations about your nanny, then there is a good chance that your child’s complaints are founded.
After all, your child is probably the one that spends more time with her than anyone else. If you do have reservations, are they about her behaviour towards your child, her attitude or something else?
Some things you may be able to discuss with your nanny, while others may be no-go areas. She is a professional, and YOU employ her so she should follow YOUR wishes.
Are you new to Bangkok?
It is important to understand how your child is feeling in situations like this. Have you recently moved to Bangkok and is your child feeling generally unsettled?
Moving from another city in Thailand or even another country can make your child anxious as they don’t really understand what is happening around them.
Has your child displayed any other signs of anxiety such as bedwetting? There may be far more to the situation than meets the eye, so investigating the matter further may be a good option.
Is this the first nanny you have had?
Is this the first time your child has been left with a nanny? As we touched upon, it may be that your child simply misses you and having a stranger look after them is very unsettling.
If this is the case, it may be wise to give your child some time and see how the two of them get on. Perhaps you could try and spend time with them together to try and make the adjustment easier to accept.
If you have had a nanny before and this is the first time there has been a problem, then may you have cause for concern, but it could just be your child preferred their previous carer.
Has the problem come on suddenly?
If your nanny has worked for you for a while, has the problem just occurred? If they usually get along fine and this is just a spat, it is probably something that your nanny has done that upset your child.
In these circumstances, the situation is likely to blow over quite quickly unless it is a genuine complaint about how she cares for your child.
Did you get references?
If you got references and they were all glowing, the chances are that your nanny is doing everything right and they perhaps have a clash of personalities.
Children find it far harder to express their feelings than adults, so just saying that they don’t like someone or something is this most natural solution.
Is your child generally well behaved?
Although we all like to think that our children are little angels, the reality is they often they aren’t. Could the problem actually be with your child and it is your child’s behaviour that needs addressing rather than your nanny’s?
If your child’s actions have you pulling your hair out, the chances are that it will be having the same effect on her. Perhaps she has disciplined your child or shouted at them, and they have taken offence?
Have you spoken to your nanny about the situation?
Speaking to your nanny is always a good option as we touched upon earlier. Are they aware of the problem, and do they know what caused it?
There may be a very rational reason why the relationship has soured, and she may have an idea of whether it is a passing phase. Obviously, you need to keep in the back of your mind that your nanny won’t want to lose her job so may be economical with the truth if she is in the wrong.
Observe for yourself
Whatever is the root cause of the problem, it needs to be addressed one way or the other, and probably the best approach is to observe their interactions together.
Do they seem to get along fine when you are there? Does anyone’s behaviour appear forced or unnatural? It is one of the occasions when it is hard to give advice other than to follow your gut instinct.
If you have any doubts, then your child probably has a reason for concern, if you are happy, then it is worth giving it some more time.
Allow your child to explain why
It is a little bit dependent on your child’s age, but it may be worth asking your child what they don’t like. Picking your timing will be crucial here and it is important not to make your kid feel pressured.
Listen to their response; it might be that they have reasonable concerns or it may find that your nanny is completely vindicated in what she has done. Often children will tell you precisely what has happened and you can make up your own mind.
Make Sure There Isn’t a Bigger Problem
You want to make sure your child always feels safe and loved. Is your nanny giving your child the type of care that you want? Is she stricter than you and your partner are?
If you haven’t talked with your nanny about things like your child care philosophy and what type of punishments are allowed, have this conversation now.
Be Present
If possible, come home from work early one afternoon or pop in during your lunch break to observe how the nanny interacts with your child.
“Let the nanny and your child know you’re home, then head off to another nearby room that’s close enough that you can listen to how the nanny talks to your child, Don’t stay in the same room, as it might be distracting to your child and could hinder how the nanny interacts with your child.
Give it a reasonable amount of time
If the reason for the dispute is not immediately apparent, it is probably wise to give it a fair amount of time.
Should the complaints continue, you will almost certainly need to hire a new child care assistant, but it is also crucial that your child learns that they can’t always have their own way and it is important to get along with other people. Inform your nanny what is happening in an honest way.
Tell her about the concerns that have been raised and what you intend to do about them. Things may suddenly improve, and it was a passing phase, or you may need to take action.
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Here at Kiidu, we specialise in introducing experienced nannies to families living in Bangkok. We always ask for and can provide references giving you all the information that you need to make an informed choice of nanny. Please contact us for more details.
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